Zombies

Much to the disgust of my brother, I read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: The Classic Regency Romance - Now with Ultraviolent Zombie Mayhem! by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith. I think my brother's disgust lay in the fact that Grahame-Smith is blatantly adding in a shock factor to drum up sales...which, yes, is true, but obviously caught my attention (and many people's).

First up, the cover. It's gross. So gross that I kept it face down when I wasn't reading it.

The book itself...well, yes, it's a gimmick. It was sometimes amusing, sometimes weird and other times, well, bizarre.

I did notice that Grahame-Smith made Elizabeth an anti-Christian character, which wasn't necessary. The reader's guide questions at the end of the book made the author's opinions toward Christianity and the church made it clear that Grahame-Smith wanted to add mockery about that faith. That sort of tainted the book for me. I mean, it's one thing to enjoy the addition of zombies and all that silliness but to add his own worldview and opinions to a classic novel that doesn't say anything on the topic is another matter.

So read it for the gimmick but don't expect much more.

Rating: 5/10

Took only two years

I am so excited right now. Scarily excited. On March 25, 2007, I added How I Fell in Love with a Librarian and Lived to Tell About It by Rhett Ellis to my Amazon wishlist. Today, March 25, 2009, I will remove that book from my wishlist---and I didn't even plan it out this way! I did realized that it had been about two years since I added How I Fell and I did want to finally get it off my wishlist. But still, it's a bit sad how excited this random coincidence makes me. However, I have to admit this book wasn't worth waiting two years to read.

If you want to see the cover, go here. It's so cartoony and I hate cartoon covers. The book is more of a novella and is probably self-published (or maybe independently published), which explains the cover. However, it had rave reviews on Amazon and I loved Ellis' novella The Greatest White Trash Love Story Ever Told. Seriously, that story rocked. It was truly examined redemption--yet was sweet and utterly shocking/surprising. I'd probably give it a 10. So you can imagine that I went into How I Fell with high expectations.

Here's the plot: basically, this 37-year-old pastor falls in love with a 24-year-old librarian who has just moved to his town. Oh yeah, she's a bit crazy. Like take numerous-pills-a-day, can't remember hours of her life, seriously crazy. There's also a subplot of this "bad" councilman who wants to shut down the town's library. But don't worry--love conquers all!

Here's what really got me: the writing. It focused on random details that didn't add to the plot (ex.: they had chips, slaw and pop for dinner and then sat on the couch...) and had much awkward telling, but not so much showing. And the pastor seemed hardly concerned about being in a relationship with a CRAZY person--someone who would randomly flip and start talking in rhymes, break the law with a "wild" car chase, etc. The whole major age gap wasn't really addressed either; speaking for someone who is in her mid-2os...um, that guy is almost 40...that's a 13-year gap. Yikes.

So I had issues with this book. But at least it's finally gone from my wishlist!!!

Rating: 5/10

First book of the new year

Since I had the day off of work on January 1, I simply had to read a book. The best way to start a new year, right? Susan Carroll's The Bride Finder was a lovely way to start.

The story is a mix of fantasy and romance. Anatole St. Leger is a St. Leger (obviously)--but that means he has inherited fantasical powers. As part of the family legend goes, he will only be happy in love if the Bride Finder chooses a mate for him. When Anatole finally admits he needs a wife, the Bride Finder's choice is the complete opposite of what he wants or thinks he needs. Of course, his bride, Madeline, proves to be exactly what he needs--but once he reveals his dark secrets, will she still stay with him?

While the story wasn't gothic, it certainly had some of that genre's elements. Yet Madeline brought a lighthearted feel to the story, which kept it from ever getting too dark. The love story was sweet and grew richer as they knew each other more. I really appreciated how Carroll showed their relationship develop and what the consequences of that were.

Carroll is a lush writer, with great description. I'll definitely be picking up her work again.

Rating: 8/10

Ahhh

I found an apartment! Actually, I shouldn't use the word "finally" because I literally visited my first apartment last Saturday and today I signed the lease for mine. Perhaps that sentence should read: "After visiting nine or so apartments in four days, I found one that I love--screw looking around for a better deal! I like it, I want it and I've given up any hope of finding an apartment with a dishwasher." Yay! Now comes moving time--so my reading time may be dampered for awhile.

Still, I managed to finish Elizabeth Peters' Legend in Green Velvet. I read somewhere it was first published as Ghost in Green Velvet, which actually is a better title.

Again, I hate this cover. There were NO dogs in the book--only cats--so why is there a dog on the cover? I suppose because it's a Scottie and the book is set in Scotland. I really don't like these modern covers of Peters' books.

Anyway, classic Peters' story: girl accidently falls in adventure/mystery (this time, in a foreign setting). Guy becomes involved in the story--they fall in love. Humor abounds. This may be bad, but I don't get stressed about really following the plotline--how the characters arrive at certain conclusions and figure out the bad guys is a bit farfetched and oddly complex, so I just let it roll over me. Her books are just pleasure reading for me.

There was quite a bit of Scottish history thrown about (think Mary Queen of Scots, Bonnie Prince Charlies, etc.) and a bit of modern history. The main guy evidently looked like a certain royal figure--but Peters was being so coy about who it was that it completely went over my head. Sorry, but I have no idea who was hott young royalty back then!

All in all, another satisying work by Elizabeth Peters.

Rating: 7.5/10

Couldn't believe the looooove

In my quest to read Elizabeth Peters' backlist, I picked up Copenhagen Connection at the library this week. I must say this one isn't her best work.

First of all, I hate this book's cover. My own copy has an awesome early 1980s one, with fireworks and a couple running on it. While pigs do play a tiny role in the book, I just don't get this cover. Pigs--tulips--a statute?! Weird.

Anyway, here's the plot: American Elizabeth Jones is taking a vacation to Copenhagen. While on the airplane, she meets her hero: Noble-prize winning historian Margaret Rosenberg. A random accident leads to Elizabeth becoming Margaret's secretary. Oh, and by the way, Margaret's son is tagging along--he's handsome but a major stick-in-the-mud. Margaret gets kidnapped and the two are forced to work together to rescue her. They end up in love and experience danger, etc. It's a fairly typical Peters plot--fun, action-packed, plenty of humor.

Christian (the stick-in-the-mud guy) and Elizabeth supposedly fall in love. I just could not believe it. If it was reality, Christian would have thought Elizabeth was stupid and been terribly annoyed by her. As heroines go, Elizabeth isn't bad; Christian is just so serious. In fairness, he does loosen up as the book goes on, but there just isn't much romance and I can't belive they would actually fall in love.

Also, Christian calls his mother "Margaret"--never Mom, etc. Elizabeth never seemed to think that was weird, either. I thought it was odd.

All in all, it wasn't her best but it's still a fun, no thinking required sort of read.

Rating: 6/10

Consistency is my issue

My friend Mary finished Twilight this weekend and we had a nice gushy session over it. I'm glad I have someone to gush with now.

In other news, I'm not sure what's going on with me, but I haven't been able to really get into a book for the last week or so. I started two books and realized I didn't care at all about either story.

One such book was Chosen by Ted Dekker. I kept on feeling really out of the loop while reading it and couldn't understand why. It was bizarre; the characters would make reference to people and backstories without a lot of detail. Then I realized while Chosen was actually the first book in its particular series, it's actually part of "The Circle Trilogy." So I was legitimately confused! Yay for me.

So I ended up reading Touch Not the Cat (by Mary Stewart) and being fully satisfied. While prowling Goodwill, I found Madeline Brent's Merlin's Keep. (I love used bookstores and Goodwills for this very reason--cheap books!)

I like how Brent features Asia in his works--this novel was partially set in Tibet. The story follows an orphaned girl who was raised in Tibet but ends up in England. The story, while different from Moonraker's Bride, certainly has some similarities. However, Merlin's Keep had a lot of omens/superstition in the book, which I didn't like--some of it bordering on demonic activity.

Rating: 7/10

Now what shall I start next?

for a change...

I'm breaking the mold and featuring a hott blond tonight! It's summertime, so let's break out the sunshine.

It's Paul Walker, who starred in one of the worst Christmas movies I've ever seen: Noel. You'll feel depressed, alone and very unjolly after watching it. Even Paul--as an abusive cop!--couldn't save the show.

However, just looking at this poster of him once left me giggling so hard that I couldn't speak or breathe:

Even surrounded by Disney dogs, you're still hott, Paul.

Not quite mayhem

Looking back on my reading past, I can't really pinpoint the time when I said "okay, sci-fi might not be so bad." It have been the Lord of the Rings series. I'm not hardcore by any means; books purely about aliens, spaceships and conquering new worlds don't really excite me. I like sci-fi books (or TV shows--yeah Firefly!) that are about people and just happen to be set in a different time, world and place.

So that's a long introduction to say that I like Lois McMaster Bujold's Vorkosigan saga. My latest read in that series is Miles, Mystery & Mayhem. It's actually three stories in one, but they do connect.

Yeah, cheeeesy cover. Why do most sci-fi books have super-cartoony covers?

Anyway, the three books follow a basic theme: genetics and humanity--and what role humans play in controlling those two. Still, the books are fast-paced, interesting, have great dialogue and keep me entertained. There's basically no romance (at least so far)--and I still like it!

If you're in the mood for just a good adventure read, I'd recommend this series.

Rating: 8.5/10

Sci-fine

First, I am not going to put up a picture of Young Miles, which I finished reading last night. Why? I don't like the cover. I have this aversion to cartoon characters and the cover of this book has particularly silly-looking ones. Pssh.

Anyway, I was feeling quite bold, so I decided to give a bit of sci-fi a try. I have heard excellent things about Lois McMaster Bujold's writings and had done a bit of reading on Amazon about her Miles Vorkosigan Saga Series. I started with the first book about Miles, which technically isn't the first book in the series.

I liked it; it's definitely an adventure series, which was a nice change in variety. It kept me entertained and amused. I don't feel like explaining the plot, because the book was actually an omnibus...three books in one. Let's just say the story involves: space, mercenaries, genetic defects, fighting and much more.

Rating: 8/10

Opals, opals, opals

Sometimes I just crave a cheesy novel. Victoria Holt does the job nicely. I picked up The Pride of the Peacock because it was set in the 1800s and had an interesting enough plot.

The book really should have been called: Opals: A book about a girl named Opal who finds adventure and romance and oh yes, opals. Yes, opals were the driving force of this book.

The plot was slightly campy: Jessica (who you find out is actually named Opal) feels unloved by her family--and for good reason, as you'll find out. She befriends an old opal miner, Ben, who convinces her to marry his son. She ends up in an arranged marriage with his son Joss (the peacock; yes, he's a bit arrogant), due to certain inheritence requirements that Ben sets up. They has a love/hate relationship. He's also an opal mine owner and the couple move to Australia where Joss runs his company. Jessica finds mystery, adventure and love in the "wild land."

I enjoyed reading it. The book was fun, educational (seriously, you learn a lot about opals) and had a nice twisty mystery. It had nice gothic elements but it's never scary. I wouldn't have minded more romance, but oh well, it was still a good book.

Rating: 8/10

On another note, I just reread Silent in the Grave and it was just as good as I remember! I think I'd even rate it a 9.5. I can't wait until the third book in the series is published.

I'd rather watch Dave Lieberman any day

In honor of the five to six-foot snow drifts outside my Ohio home, I decided to read a southern novel. I really liked Mary Kay Andrews' Hissy Fit and Savannah Blues, so when I saw she just released a new novel about cooking, Deep Dish, well, I couldn't resist. It's about food and set in the South. Count me in.

The novel is basically a rip-off about the Food Network--but not that I minded that. Gina, star of a fresh cooking show, is pitted against Tate, the show of a Southern Outdoor Network cooking show named "Vittles." (Seriously, Vittles? Do people still use that word?) They end up battling on "The Cooking Channel" for their own show. Oh, and we're supposed to believe that they fall in love, too.

The book just didn't work for me for numerous reasons.

1. The point of view changed constantly! Sometimes I had no idea who's point of view I was reading. But it wasn't as if the POV was omniscient, either. The constant shifts were distracting.

2. And speaking of shifting, Gina's real name is Regina. It's always a problem in books when the main character has numerous names and this book was a fine example of it. Gina would be called Gina, then suddenly the book would refer to her as Regina....through a different character's POV.

3. Tate and Gina never seemed to really connect. He's hot, she's hot, they both like cooking...they "fight" but then end up in love? And Gina gets over her cheating ex-boyfriend incredibly fast and with no hang-up. Whatever. Also, Gina is never directly called out as an anoxeric, but she never eats--and when she does, it's horrible, fattening food! It really bothered me.

4. Call me shallow, but the cover.....it's so cartoony!

5. Andrews makes a comment that a certain cheap tackle box that Gina is forced to use is something like a Yankee would buy. Um, Yankees can fish, ok? I don't like to fish, but I was a bit offended by that comment. Maybe it's the fact that I live on a great lake and therefore fishing is huge up here, but I didn't like that sweeping characterization.

On a positive note, I enjoyed all the cooking. Andrews does give a good job of what the real world of cookings shows are probably like. I just didn't like the book.

Rating: 5/10

I have conquered!

It's official: I FINISHED The Mysteries of Udolpho. Yay yay yay yay yay. I am so very happy!

Here's the plot summary from Wikipedia: The Mysteries of Udolpho by Ann Radcliffe follows the fortunes of Emily St. Aubert who suffers, among other misadventures, the death of her father, supernatural terrors in a gloomy castle, and the machinations of an Italian brigand. It is often cited as the archetypal Gothic novel.

Here's the main things that happen:
-People die
-Emily cries
-Emily looks at the scenery
-Emily almost faints
-Emily cries some more
-Emily writes poetry
-Emily gets scared

Okay, so I'm making fun of this book, but it really wasn't that bad, once I got beyond the first 200 pages (the book had 632 pages in teeny tiny print). It was dramatic and I may have muttered "you have GOT to be kidding me" and "oh my word" and "pirates? oh yes, of course, pirates" a few times to myself.

I felt as if I had to finish it because This Rough Magic mentioned it, the fun "Northanger Abbey" Masterpiece Theater made fun of it, and two other random books that I picked up and skimmed a few pages all happened to mention this book. I felt as if it was DESTINY for me to finish it.

I was only confused about one thing: I had heard before I read the book that Count Ugo was such a bad guy, etc., etc. But he was barely in the book. I didn't understand it all, but oh well, her step-uncle makes up for it!

Anyway, earlier I declared it to be the most dramatic book ever, and just as proof, here's a few of the key plot elements that happened in the last 200 pages or so:
-Murder
-Pirates
-Nunnery
-Kidnapping
-Shipwreck
-Girl is FINALLY reunited with her lover, but oh wait, he's now a depraved rake with a gambling problem and a mistress
-Oh wait, he's not---now they can get married!
-Poison

The book is a 18th century soap opera and the main character cries/faints waaaaaay too much but I'm glad I forced myself to read it.

Rating: 6/10


Psssst....you want to read it, too? Download it for free here--but you're crazy if you want to read this entire book on the computer.

Still slogging

I'm about halfway through The Mysteries of Udolpho. I just wish it was exciting as this cover makes you think it is:


Yeah, it's not. It should be called Emily Weeps: A Story of Emily's Fainting Fits and Melancholy Spells. The heroine, Emily, has literally cried/wept/had a tear fall from her cheek/faint 200 times. Wow. And I'm still not sure why it's a gothic masterpiece yet. Here's hoping I figure that out soon!

Re-read

Today I finished re-reading Death in the Andamans by M.M. Kaye. I bought the book used and it had this lovely cover:

Mmmm, I can't resist a fun cover like this. Romance! A man in some sort of naval uniform! Mystery! Gold lamé!

The book is part of Kaye's six (or seven?) part series of "Death in..." books. They read quite similar to some of Mary Stewart's works, featuring a girl who must solve a mystery and finds love at the same time. Death in the Andamans had a very...creepy feel to it. Seriously, the atmosphere just seeps out of this book.

The plot is set right before WWII and a group of houseguests get stranded on a little island in the Andamans. A few murders, tropical storms and mysterious happenings later and you've got a good book. This story features Copper Randal (who I always want to call Cooper), who is visiting her friend Valerie.

Rating: 8/10

I personally like Death in Kashmir best, but all Kaye's books are great---they just have that certain 1950s flavor to them. All six (or seven? I really think it's just six, though) were recently republished. Check 'em out!